New Evidence

Seventeen years. That’s how long I’ve had to live with you. Seventeen years. An entire life. My entire life. You’ve been there my entire life and I’ve had no choice but to live with you, eat dinner with you, watch TV with you and talk civilly to you while our parents are in the house.

Little do they know. But I do. I know all the nasty little things you’ve done, the tricks you’ve played and the stunts you pulled. I’ve never been given the chance, nor would I have pushed my luck had I been given centre stage, to rat on you. I’ve had to keep your dirty little secrets; the dark games you’ve played with my head, the web of lies you’ve spun.

They say the reason a spider never gets caught in its own web is because its arms are slippery in a special kind of way. That’s you, you’ve got a dark spider living in your depths and, somehow, you’ve never been caught in your own web.

But you’ve backed yourself so tightly into a corner, and there’s no way out for you. Seventeen years of weaving and now your web is done. Seventeen years is too long to keep these secrets, these secrets you forced me to own.

I was young and innocent. I’m still young now, but my innocence has been rubbed raw in your hurtful hot hands.

You won’t hurt me anymore, I won’t allow it. You tried to break me for reasons no sane person would understand, nor agree with. I’ve wanted to hurt you, break you physically, the way you broke me mentally. You did not allow me time to feel dignity; you took it away from me before I knew it. I don’t want that dignity back; I’ll build myself a new one.

I don’t want to be near you. Not because I fear you, I no longer do, but because I know I will hurt you, rip you apart with my bear hands, my nails scratching deep into your flesh, if you move your eyes across my body once more, examining me up and down, curving round at certain bends. I can’t stand your presence. You disgust me.

My revenge will be sweet and total. I know because it is better than any revenge I have thought of…and I have thought of many.

Your secret is safe with me, as the saying so goes. I’ll keep your nasty little secrets for a while, you see, but not forever. I’ve been given the perfect opportunity, on that I would not have dared dream for, to exact my revenge.

What could be so sweet a revenge that I would wait so long, consider so many options, before deciding on this one? Success, my dear brother. Yes, success is the perfect revenge. I’m getting out of this house, out of this city, this country, this place that has hurt me.

They want me to sing in Australia. I’ll be leaving in a week, but I’ve packed already. I don’t plan on coming back, back to this place where the nights were interrupted, and hot and painful, and where the days were never long enough to erase the shame.

Whether you have a conscience or not, it matters no more to me. I’ll be gone to rebuild my dignity and reinforce my spirit. I’ll sing the sad sorrows of my life thus far, and I’ll sing of the good times to come.

Because, it is my life, and no matter what you have done to me, my spirit is not fixed to my body and it grows stronger everyday. Maybe I’ll come back one day, when I’ve written my book and dished your dirt. I hope you are happy. I hope you forget what you have done, because otherwise I could not stand to be you. It is now, now is the chance I get, the chance I waited seventeen years for, and I’m not going to waste it.